infinitesimal spec in the vastness of the universe

that i was visiting my cousin in ireland when this guy that i used to hang out with/go on dates (?) with showed up with a group of his friends. and this guy. this guy. oh man this guy. all i wanted when i was seeing (?) him was to be friends. it was right before i was going to leave for a semester in england and i didn’t want any ties. it was summer and warm and we kissed maybe a few times, and he was actually really sweet to me. after having so many shit boyfriends, i’m kicking myself for even thinking of trying to talk to this guy again just because i was shit to him. i hurt him. i hurt him because i didn’t want anything more than friends, nothing deep, nothing personal. it’s all i want right now though, something deep something personal. the fact that i had a dream about him ices the cake, and makes me wonder. both of us have changed. i mean it has been over a year since i’ve talked to him. i don’t even know my own motives for wanting anything.